Midlife Crisis? Nah. . .Just a Crossroad.

We love to give excuses for ourselves and our loved ones, when our behavior or demeanor may be a bit "off." We blame, puberty, "that time of the month," lack of sleep, a "bug" that is going around, the baby is "teething," menopause, growing pains, a midlife crisis. . . Blah blah blah. Why do we need to justify our behaviors, or make excuses for the behaviors of our loved ones? Some of the beauty and intrigue of life is the fact that although we all travel similar paths, we see different things along the way, and respond to life's stimuli uniquely. You might have noticed, I did not use "depression" as an excuse. Clinical depression is a serious infliction that needs to be addressed properly. I had several students who suffered from depression, whose lives were dramatically different once they received the proper help (which was unique for each individual - no "magic pills" please).

Anyway, back to my point.

Working with and/or mentoring students and adults during my professional time in education and even now in. . . .whatever it is I do. . . LOL (an inside joke between my wife and me - Lets call it producing wholesome family entertainment), I have been able to see a pattern of crossroads that we all hit through our journeys. Some might call these "Comings of Age" while others might call them CRISIS.

I don't like to label them as anything other than crossroads we approach every five years.

Real briefly, at:

• Birth - Holy CRAP. Who turned on the lights? What happened to my water bed. You want be to get my nourishment through my mouth, and take it from where (well that's not necessarily bad, for those being breast fed - I, unfortunately, wasn't)? The bellybutton thing was working just fine. You expect me to crawl, walk, talk, feed myself, and wipe my own butt? . . . .a lot of pressure for a former sperm and egg to handle.
• Five years old, we start school fulltime and have to adjust to not being with mommy all day, or actually having a schedule - it is like having to go to work. We are now responsible for our actions over an insane amount of time. Being asked to stay focused on the teachers' agenda from 8AM until 2:30. How many of us stay focused like that as "adults?". . . .not too much pressure there.
• Around 10-12 we enter the "hair a day crowd." Each day a new hair is popping up on our bodies and we have no idea what we are going to do about it. Stay focused on your studies, behave yourself, while your hormones are raging, the opposite sex is not longer "yucky" and your peers are beginning to establish the "pecking order." . . . . not too much pressure there.
• Around 16-18 we start thinking about college and our future, and begin developing our voice in society. We start acting out to prove we are ready for impending adulthood, and we are pressured with the notion that we can actually make a valid decision on what we want to do with the rest of our lives. . . . .Pressure?. . . I think so.
• Around 21-23 we graduate college and are expected to get a "real job" in a career we selected in the previous phase that we probably have lost interest in already. We are also supposed to move out, begin looking for a mate, and survive on our own. . . .not too much pressure there. Some of us go to grad school to prolong the inevitable entree into the "real world."
• 24-30 We have to find a mate and procreate. . .Nuff said!
• 31-36 We are either establishing ourselves in our professional positions, or we are realizing that we were far too uniformed and immature to decide what we wanted to do when we were 16-18 years old. A lot of us are realizing we are miserable in our professional lives, but are becoming too settled in because of the responsibilities of being a parent and/or a spouse. More times than not we settle and begin our automatic pilot.
• 37-42 We are getting tired of doing the same things day in and day out and probably look in the mirror and say "this is not how I pictured myself at 40" Are bodies are not as resilient as they once were, and the abuse we put it through during our teens, 20's, and early 30's is starting to wear on us. We are scared that the rest of our lives are going to be this mundane day-in-day-out and we don't know how to deal with it.
• 43-49 - Whoah. . . if I have't made my money by now, I am in trouble. Here comes college tuition. . . .and look what's around the corner from there - weddings! When did I start getting old??? I am going to retire from THIS job? I can't make changes now. Too many dependents, too many responsibilities, are those love handles? Who really loves love handles?. . . .what happened to my hair?. . . why is it starting to grow out of my ears and the top of my nose?. . . .We have now entered into the new HAIR A DAY CROWD. . .=) Puberty 2 - the sagging sequel? Gravity Strikes Back.

I'll stop there, because I think I have illustrated a pattern. It seems, from my submission above, that we are in crisis every 5 years. Every 5 years we hit a crossroads. Some have shared with me that they "go into a funk" at various times, or they feel a little disconnected. The pessimist will view these times as times of confusion or crisis. The optimist or adventurer will view them as opportunities to take a new path. It is far scarier to take the new path, and risk the comfort of the "known." However, it is through risking or daring to take that new path that we make our lives richer, more fulfilling, and therefore enrich the lives of those around us.

Robert Frost has become a cliche regarding the way we approach these "crossroads", however, his simple words ring true. It is the times that we have taken the road less traveled that we have experienced the greatest growth in our lives, and we find ourselves being the most proud of ourselves.

It is best to have a partner at these times. I am fortunate enough to have a supportive wife who realizes that every 5 years, we are going to approach the crossroads. (after 19 years together, she has stood with me at several - I'd like to think I've done the same - just probably not as well). If you don't have someone in your life to provide you with the patience and compassion my wife gives me, well maybe that is the theme of this leg of your journey. It need not be a spouse, it can be a friend who "gets you." It is a journey you must take on your own, but is wonderful to share along the way.

No matter what age or stage you are in you are NOT IN CRISIS. You are at an exciting point in your life. A time where you can make great changes. A time where you can embrace the rest of your life as a series of avenues, knowing that in another 5 years, you'll be at a new crossroad, armed with more life experience to help you forge forward.

People buy fast cars, begin dating younger men/women, and/or begin changing their appearances (amongst other things) because they think they "need" these external changes or additions to make them feel better. Those things just add ice to the road ahead. When we can see that those things are distractions from the scary task of continuing our journeys, it is then we will travel through the crossroads and grow.

Enjoy the journey.

BONUS MATERIAL:

Here is a copy of Robert Frost's Poem:

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.